I guess it's over.

What is the point of so much work, so much faith and so much hope... only to dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole for which I should have crawled out of long ago...

It's as if none of the promises, none of the things said, none of the things that happened were ever true... were ever real... would ever last...

God why do you test me? Why do you lead me in this direction? What have I gotten myself into?

The biggest pain is knowing you've tried so hard, so very hard... yet you come no where close to something you thought would be at the end of the road... those times trying to keep your head up during the day, trying to keep your eyes closed without thinking during the night, thinking that only if you improve yourself, live your own life so that you won't be affected... but they keep coming for you... they just keep coming back and you can't avoid it... it's made you who you are today... it's shaped your life to what it is... How can you ever let go? How?

I guess none of what I have done before ever counted for anything, I have lost that time of my life... The only way is to leave... to disappear... for they have found "their love of their life"...