Gone... GONE! NO MORE! :)

So I finally picked up enough courage to throw "stuff" away. I guess in a way, it felt like releasing myself. There was no point in keeping things anyways.

Also... no one reads this blog anymore anyways :P But I'll just type some rubbish here as a way of venting and if anyone happens to stumble across it then they'll know how i feel.

I learned something recently that I had no idea of previously. Had I known earlier, I would've stepped in and taken action, even though it may not have been any of my business. My reason? Because I care about you too much.

When you left me I decided to wait... I gave up a lot of things, even meeting new friends (girls) just so it won't make you feel uncomfortable and to prove I was single hearted and only devoted to you. I spent the last 2 years of uni just studying and concentrating so that I wouldn't have to think too much about anything else in the hope that we may reunite because I knew you still had feelings for me.

Now... oh how I regret... Life is boring as hell these days and there seems to be no vision of the future... None of my "friends" seems to introduce me to any other friends and the rest are just busy with their own partners... I guess I can't blame you for anything just because you're so popular and you've got a million friends so it's so easy for you just to forget about me. But not for me I guess, it's so much harder. All I can do now, is regret and try whatever I can do move on... which doesn't seem to be working at all.

You don't think, you don't care, you don't listen and you're stubborn. You're extremely selfish and arrogant as well.

I Still Do...

I went through a period of hating you, ignoring you and basically wanting to forget about you.

But one then I realised is, I truly do love you. I love you so much it's not something that I can explain. It's something I do from day to day life.

I know there are things about me that turn you off and there are many things about me that you may not like. But I know one thing for sure, and that is no matter what, I haven't stopped loving you since the first time I said I love you, to you.

I miss you so much. I love you Jess.

心淡

想不起　怎麼會病到不分好歹
連受苦都甜美
我每日捱著　不睬不理
但卻捱不死　又去癡纏你
難道終此一生
都要這麼　不可爭一口氣

很謙卑　只不過是我太過愛你
連自尊都忘記
跌到極麻木　只好相信
又再爬得起　就會有轉機
若我不懂憎你　如何離別你
亦怕不會飛

由這一分鐘開始計起　春風秋雨間
恨我對你以半年時間　慢慢的心淡
付清　賬單
平靜的對你熱度退減
一天一點傷心過　這一百數十晚
大概也夠我　送我來回地獄又折返人間
春天分手　秋天會習慣
苦沖開了便淡

I guess it's over.

What is the point of so much work, so much faith and so much hope... only to dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole for which I should have crawled out of long ago...

It's as if none of the promises, none of the things said, none of the things that happened were ever true... were ever real... would ever last...

God why do you test me? Why do you lead me in this direction? What have I gotten myself into?

The biggest pain is knowing you've tried so hard, so very hard... yet you come no where close to something you thought would be at the end of the road... those times trying to keep your head up during the day, trying to keep your eyes closed without thinking during the night, thinking that only if you improve yourself, live your own life so that you won't be affected... but they keep coming for you... they just keep coming back and you can't avoid it... it's made you who you are today... it's shaped your life to what it is... How can you ever let go? How?

I guess none of what I have done before ever counted for anything, I have lost that time of my life... The only way is to leave... to disappear... for they have found "their love of their life"...

I'm becomming an Emo... Suicide?

Much sadness... I guess today's society naturally creates emos... I don't want to be one but I feel myself turning into one.

It's easy to say get over it, it doesn't mater, but once you're the victim of certain things you can't really just tell yourself.

Can't really blame others for not caring either everyone's concerned with their own lives and doings. When does anyone have time for anyone else?

Suicide... they say it's not the answer, but then why isn't it the answer? People say things alright turn out better and yes I agree they do. But then they just turn bad again and they always repeat.

*sigh*...

Good Bye