Why am I working there?

Hm... So many things going on around me these days... I can see them all as being signs, but I can't seem to make meaning of any of them!

I recently realised the reason for why I am still working at where I am now. I am definitely not working there because of the Pay, nor because of the interest... because I have no interest in tennis!

What I realised was... around this time last year when I first started working there, I needed refuge... I needed something to help try and take my mind off things... I haven't been using work as a way of earning money, nor have I really improved my knowledge of things at work... hence the reason why I'm probably always being told off at work...

But then work has given me the opportunity to also meet my boss who's a total arrogant bitch but he has the ability to make me think and make me realise and learn things where I cannot else where...

Maybe these are all signs... I don't know... I'll figure out some day...

Bored and Lonely

Bored and lonely... So what can I do? Find hobbies... yes... do them... yes... but nothing compares to the company of people...

Not like I can cry about it, but then what's the point if I do anyways?

*sigh*...

Who really cares and who's really there for ME?... If only there was...

One Year...

It's been one year... I am so tired... So...So... So tired...

Depression...

Yeah... Feeling insignificant all the time... when will I ever feel important? Guess I'm just not, what's the point of being here then?

**dies**

What do I deserve??

So my boss tells me off everytime I work:
- I'm losing money for him, I'm losing customers for him
- I don't have an initiative
- He can't understand me
- I have no interests
- I'm f***ing stupid
- I shouldn't be paid because I'm going to work to learn
- I'm being taught things I can't be taught at Uni
- I'm suppose to be a 4th Yr Aerospace Engineer

I guess it's helped to make me think about myself. I use to hate him, these days I don't, if it gets to the point where it pisses me off, I just switch off and disregard what he says. But otherwise, most of the stuff I learn to reflect on...

He does have issues though... I'm not THAT bad! haha... I guess I'm not trying as hard to work as hard because I've pretty much been demoralised at work. Stress usually makes me perform worse and become forgetful as well.

But if I can handle him, I can handle anyone...

Let it rip! Bring it on!

I read up on something and learned about it recently... wow!.... =_="...

Anger is not simply just an emotion, but it is in fact a type of natural self defence mechanism... For example, in the wild, if you piss off or attack an animal to make it feel threatened, they usually use anger to defend themselves. Humans aren't that much different...

So it is possible to see that people who have bad tempers or whom are often angry at things grew up needing to constantly defend themselves. Most likely from parents.

Obviously it is not good to have a bad temper and chuck a rage whenever something pisses you off, but it's interested to know and learn of where it comes from...

So I guess a relation can be made between ppl with a temper and/or who get angry easily to people who feel insecure?

Hm... feeling a little on the weak side now... *sigh*

So the summer break is here...

Long time no posting... nearly totally forgot about this haha!

Anyways... not like many people if any read it anymore anyways...

So what's been happening recently? Nothing :)... well not completely nothing...

Well happy birthday to kei in advanced! You're getting old my friend :) But then again you don't even read my blog so it doesn't really matter...

AAAnyways... bleh~